Sometime, about a year ago, I suddenly started hating the tube. 2 minutes at a signal and I am freaking out.

To take my mind off things I begun writing lists, each inspired by my journey on the underground.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

The Truth About Weddings

  • Highly choregraphed first dance. So 5 years ago. See YouTube for reference.
  • Hen / stag overkill. What's the point in spending £500 and travelling half way across the world to do what you can in your local? 
  • Today's favours are tomorrows handbag clutter.
  • However long you deliberate over the sitting plan, someone is always going to complain. Fact.
  • Theme-tastic. Village fete, vintage, old fashioned glamour. How about just a wedding?
  • Bridesmaid dresses. If you wouldn't wear it to a wedding, why enforce it on your best mates ?!
  • Wedding car rip-off. No one ever says 'oh their wedding car was amazing.' By that time people just want to get to the party.
  • The more amazing the shoe. The earlier you take them off.
  • Maid of honour = maid of helping the bride go for a piss.
  • Befriending an old person. Usually in the toilet. Aunt Hilda is suddenly your new best mate.
  • People doing reading s= friends who didn't quite make it to bridesmaid or usher.
  • Top-hats. Sound stylish but look absurd.
  • The Competitive Bouquet Catcher. Nothing will stand between her and dropping a massive hint to her boyfriend.
  • Wedding meal is actual called 'Wedding Breakfast'. Very confusing.
  • The sulky unattractive bridesmaid who resents all the other bridesmaid for looking better than her.
  • Rain on your wedding day has nothing to do with fertility. Its just shit.
  • Wearing the same dress? Spend all day making a joke of it. By 9 it's worn very thin, yet you feel obliged to continue.
  • The Most Amazing (Exhausting) day of your life.
  • Free bar abuse. Who needs to finish a drink. Just leave it lying around and grab a new one.
  • Everybody wants to laugh at the 'with my body I honour you' line.

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