Clothes I can not wear

• halter necks - just no.
• safari style shorts  - i look like a scout leader.
• DM's or any other type of ankle boot.
• hipster jeans - bum is too flat (so they fall down constantly).
• converse - feet too long.
• sarongs- tying them never works out as i imagined.
• wedge shoes - death wish.
• berets - only 1% of the population, most of them french, can pull this off.
• cycling/skiing helmets -  the contrast between the width of the helmet and my jaw is laughable.
• velvet and corduroy.
• tops with ruffles around the neck - makes me feel like Shakespeare/ a dinosaur.