Life Lessons

• High necklines + big boobs = no go.
• When men are with men all they are thinking about is being there with other men.
• Nothing good happens after 2 am.
• Eating chicken and eggs together is wrong.
• Fish 'n Chips. Better in principle that reality.
• Every pair of sunglassses eventually gets lost.
• Cats sense hatred.
• You can never own too many condiments.
• Nights you look forward to always disappoint. Nights you dread often come up trumps.
• Change is as good as the rest.
• If you haven't read Harry Potter now you, you are never going to.
• Better to be a mug than be tight.
• The hottest people at school become the most jaded/fattest adults. Early success with the opposite sex is there undoing.
• Simple pleasures can't be beat. Eating. Sleeping. Cleaning teeth. Having a shower. Going for a Pooh.
• That third glass of wine always comes back to bite you.
• Don't wear tights when going clothes shopping.
• Always carry a brolly in England. Even a beautiful day can end up torrential.
• Red heads should never dye their hair black.
• Do not persist with a fluffy apples.