Reasons I Envy Old People

• They get to eat as much cake as they like.
• They always know better. 
• Incredibly cosy and sleep inducing homes.
• Never have fiver? They've got 'em all
• No fear of death. You know Joyce down the road? she died last week. As natural as if Joyce had nipped to the supermarket rather than the afterlife.
• Political Correctness. A new fangled concept to be ignored.
• Going to the hairdressers just to get their 'hair set'. The original WAGS.
• No more struggling to get up. OAP's are always up by 6.
• Elasticated waistbands.
• Stanna Stairlifts. Everyone secretly wants a go.
• Free travel.
• Who needs karaoke when you can have an impromptu sing-a-long whenever you like?
• You sit in the comfiest chair while everyone else clears up.
• They survived a war. Enough said.
• 'Having your own look'.  If you want to wear a shirt and tie everyday, you can.
• Elastic waist bands.
• Walking sticks. A weapon cunningly disguised as a walking aid
• Being Beyond the Law. The street you not suppose to go down? The 'Do Not Touch Sign? Doesn't apply to you.
• That special small bread.
• Someone boring you? feign deafness.
• Everyone boring you? just doze off.
• Blue hair dye. Scowled at on teenagers, swept under the cupboard with old people.