Sometime, about a year ago, I suddenly started hating the tube. 2 minutes at a signal and I am freaking out.

To take my mind off things I begun writing lists, each inspired by my journey on the underground.

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Evil desires I have to suppress

  • Bite babies feet. 
  • Kick small dogs like rugby balls.
  • Crush all sandcastles.
  • Fart in quiet place.
  • Shout swear words in church.
  • Scribble on any kind of timing plan.
  • Fart in lifts and/or tubes before exiting.
  • Stamp on the toes of anyone wearing new, white trainers.
  • Give people the wrong directions on purpose.
  • Steal chocolates out of advent calendars, then reseal them.
  • Spit on people from the top of stairs or out of windows.
  • Pull excessively long hair. Older than 10? Hair beyond your elbows is unacceptable.
  • Make my granny's 'speaking computer for the blind' say sex words. 
  • Hide meat in vegetarian meals.

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