Sometime, about a year ago, I suddenly started hating the tube. 2 minutes at a signal and I am freaking out.

To take my mind off things I begun writing lists, each inspired by my journey on the underground.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Amusing Skiing Behaviour

  • 30% of your time must be getting dressed and undressed.
  • Never film yourself skiing/boarding, you'll only be disappointed.
  • Taking off ski boots = better than taking a poo?
  • Novelty hat wearers: chickens, dreads, helmets with ears. Embarrassing not funny.
  • Phantom Farter. There's one in ever telecabin.
  • 'Idiots'. The collective noun for snowboarders who sit in packs across the piste.
  • 'The Great Layer Debate'. Constantly in search of that elusive 'perfect temperature'.
  • Polling. Makes everyone feel like an obese penguin.
  • Skiing in jeans = twat.
  • Obligatory snowball fights. Fun in principle. Cold in reality.
  • Meals must consist entirely of: ham, cheese, bread, cheese, potatoes, cheese, more cheese.
  • Your biggest wipe outs must only happen immediately under busy chairlifts.
  • Vin Chau or Chocolat Rum? An impossibly difficult decision.
  • Chalet living. The lottery of 'swinging', without the sex.
  • Chatty ski-school kids. You don't know what they are saying.They don't care.
  • The Ancient Art of Lighting a Fag on a Chairlift. Gone but not forgotten.
  • However much you ski / how cold it is you will never burn off the calories you consume.

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