Sometime, about a year ago, I suddenly started hating the tube. 2 minutes at a signal and I am freaking out.

To take my mind off things I begun writing lists, each inspired by my journey on the underground.

Friday, 23 September 2011

Amusing Airport Behaviour

  • The older you get the early you arrive at the airport
  • Happy chappy check-in banter - Must be insanely annoying for the staff. You are going on holiday. They aren't.
  • Free money. Money you spend at the airport doesn't count.
  • Speedy -boarding smuggery. You paid to get on the plane first. We chose not to. Don't act as if it's some amazing privilege bestowed upon you.
  • Passport/ boarding pass uncertainty. Never knowing what you need when. Cling onto both just in-case.
  • 'Buy the telegraph, get a free bottle of water'. Always do the deal. Never read the paper = a pointless marketing exercise.
  • Queuing to get on the plane. Why wouldn't you want to sit on their for any longer than you have too?
  • In flight shopping magazine. Never buy anything, yet you still study it in detail.
  • Weight restriction. What a joke. It should be based on the combined weight of you + your bag. 
  • Velour tracksuit 'travelling outfit'. Pure chav.
  • Full makeup and heels won't get you an upgrade. If you were actually rich & glamorous you'd have paid to fly business.
  • The air-steward stare. Next time they are serving food or drinks watch how everyone within 3 rows stares obsessively. Willing them to serve them.
  • Crouching in the aisle/ perching on the arm of your seat won't get you off the plane any quicker.
  • No one ever waits until they are well inside the airport terminal to turn their phone on.
  • Must get rid of currency. Sales of toblerone must have dropped since the euro.
  • You are desperate for 'NOW BOARDING' to appear. Then panic when it does.
  • Head to head. The silent race you have with other passengers walking to the plane / passport control.
  • Shrinking In flight snacks. Soon there will be a lone cheese savoury in a plastic packet.
  • Baggage Carousel Time Warp. Every minute feels like ten.

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