Sometime, about a year ago, I suddenly started hating the tube. 2 minutes at a signal and I am freaking out.

To take my mind off things I begun writing lists, each inspired by my journey on the underground.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Reasons I Envy Old People

  • They get to eat as much cake as they like.
  • They always know better. 
  • Incredibly cosy and sleep inducing homes.
  • Never have fiver? They've got 'em all
  • No fear of death. You know Joyce down the road? she died last week. As natural as if Joyce had nipped to the supermarket rather than the afterlife.
  • Political Correctness. A new fangled concept to be ignored.
  • Going to the hairdressers just to get their 'hair set'. The original WAGS.
  • No more struggling to get up. OAP's are always up by 6.
  • Elasticated waistbands.
  • Stanna Stairlifts. Everyone secretly wants a go.
  • Free travel.
  • Who needs karaoke when you can have an impromptu sing-a-long whenever you like?
  • You sit in the comfiest chair while everyone else clears up.
  • They survived a war. Enough said.
  • 'Having your own look'.  If you want to wear a shirt and tie everyday, you can.
  • Elastic waist bands.
  • Walking sticks. A weapon cunningly disguised as a walking aid
  • Being Beyond the Law. The street you not suppose to go down? The 'Do Not Touch Sign? Doesn't apply to you.
  • That special small bread.
  • Someone boring you? feign deafness.
  • Everyone boring you? just doze off.
  • Blue hair dye. Scowled at on teenagers, swept under the cupboard with old people.

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