Sometime, about a year ago, I suddenly started hating the tube. 2 minutes at a signal and I am freaking out.

To take my mind off things I begun writing lists, each inspired by my journey on the underground.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Amusing Office Behaviour

  • Over keen all-staffer emails - save your banter for the changing rooms boys.
  • Female pooh missions - elaborate plans to avoid people knowing you shit. Including flushing, padding out with toilet roll, going to toilets outside of the office.
  • 'Saming' - those weird days when half the office come in wearing the same thing. 
  • Do you mind if I  'access your screen remotely?' say IT. Yes I do. Because it feels as if you're going through my underwear drawer.
  • Stationery hoarding - it's impossible not to take a couple of extra bits. Especially highlighters.
  • The size of your notepad is relative to the size of you salary. Grads have A4 black & reds. MD's have pocket-size moleskines. CEO have PA's.
  • The Leaving Gift Collection.  Leaves you feeling resentful and guilty in equal measures. Much like church collections.
  • Playing dumb to IT. Everyone does it, so it won't get you anywhere.
  • Food in meetings. Good in theory. A mine-field in practise.
  • The mysterious world of HR. Who are they and what do they do?
  • We've all got a family. Doesn't mean i feel the need to plaster their ugly mugs round my desk.
  • Tea laws says you must offer to make everyone a brew, even when you really don't want to.
  • Where do all the stolen chargers go? to the same place as socks, hairbands and lighters?
  • The are two types of people: those who put new paper in the printer and those who don't.
  • Awkward kitchen chat. 
  • Awkward kitchen chat avoidance.
  • Competitive staying late. One game nobody can win at.
  • Accidental Bladder Buddies. When you, unfortunately, fall into the same toilet routine as somebody else.
  • Novelty pens. Vaguely amusing at school, tragic at work.

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