Things Women should never wear

• Berets unless you are v beautiful or French.
• Full-length leggings under dresses.
• Cheap maxi dresses.
• Jumpers with blouses sewn in underneath.
• Football shirts. It doesn't look sexy in a FHM way, it looks cheap.
• Union jack bikinis.
• Velour tracksuits to travel in.
• Fake ugg boots.
• Fancy dress costumes to look sexy.
• White clothes on the plane back from Holiday. We can see your tan and your black thong.
• Anything by punkyfish.
• Any shoe made by sketchers.
• Braids. Tight white scalps are gross.
• Pillar box red hair after your 35th.
• Bunches or pigtails over the age of 16.
• Cheap Stetsons..
• Toe rings. 
• Nail design involving gems.
• Sunglasses when indoors.
• Pre-ripped jeans.
• Head to toe beige/camel ensemble (person opposite me on the tube).
• 'Fisherman’s pants’. Wearing them travelling is bad. Donning them at home is unacceptable.
• Anything that gives you camel toe.
• Bras with see-through straps. Pointless.