The Truth About Weddings

• Highly choregraphed first dance. So 5 years ago. See YouTube for reference.
• Hen / stag overkill. What's the point in spending £500 and travelling half way across the world to do what you can in your local? 
• Today's favours are tomorrows handbag clutter.
• However long you deliberate over the sitting plan, someone is always going to complain. Fact.
• Theme-tastic. Village fete, vintage, old fashioned glamour. How about just a wedding?
• Bridesmaid dresses. If you wouldn't wear it to a wedding, why enforce it on your best mates ?!
• Wedding car rip-off. No one ever says 'oh their wedding car was amazing.' By that time people just want to get to the party.
• The more amazing the shoe. The earlier you take them off.
• Maid of honour = maid of helping the bride go for a piss.
• Befriending an old person. Usually in the toilet. Aunt Hilda is suddenly your new best mate.
• People doing reading s= friends who didn't quite make it to bridesmaid or usher.
• Top-hats. Sound stylish but look absurd.
• The Competitive Bouquet Catcher. Nothing will stand between her and dropping a massive hint to her boyfriend.
• Wedding meal is actual called 'Wedding Breakfast'. Very confusing.
• The sulky unattractive bridesmaid who resents all the other bridesmaid for looking better than her.
• Rain on your wedding day has nothing to do with fertility. Its just shit.
• Wearing the same dress? Spend all day making a joke of it. By 9 it's worn very thin, yet you feel obliged to continue.
• The Most Amazing (Exhausting) day of your life.
• Free bar abuse. Who needs to finish a drink. Just leave it lying around and grab a new one.
• Everybody wants to laugh at the 'with my body I honour you' line.