tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17781875743339089082024-02-20T16:41:27.482-08:00Lists on the Northern LineUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-39211246764466994162012-05-28T05:22:00.002-07:002012-05-28T05:23:04.883-07:00The Truth about Holidays<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Competitive sun-creaming. Use to be lower the better, now its go 30 plus or go home.</li>
<li>4 oclock crisps and beer. A necessity to 'make it' from lunch to dinner.</li>
<li>We swear we will never become our mums but suddenly 'getting our hair we't in the pool is a fate worse than death.</li>
<li>Doing nothing is exhausting.</li>
<li>Foreign supermarkets are way better than home ones.</li>
<li>But Foreign ketchup is never as good.</li>
<li>Flight + change of routine = 'holiday constipation.'</li>
<li>Day 3 cue the 'I could live here' conversation.</li>
<li>You can only really tell how tanned/burned you are once you've got out the shower. Fact.</li>
<li>The better the holiday the harder it is to get over.</li>
<li>The piss-dip. We all know you've only gone in the sea to have a wee.</li>
<li>Holiday hats. Idiotic. But impossible to resist.</li>
<li>All inclusive holidays = a challenge.</li>
<li>Everyone steala all the hotel toiletries. Don't they?!</li>
<li>Epic bat and ball rallies. Not only do you feel like a hero. But you also deserve a beer.</li>
<li>Sarongs. Never as glamourous in reality as they feel in your head.</li>
<li>Saying hello/please/thank you/two beers does not constitute speaking the language.</li>
<li>You must unpack before you go for a swim. Dems da rules.</li>
<li>Flipflops need breaking up.</li>
<li>Holiday food doesn't taste the same when you buy/make it at home: nutella & icetea are case in point.</li>
<li>Tankini = pointless. Just a swimming cozzie split in two.</li>
<li>We all need someone else's help to decide whether 'you'll need a cardie in the evening.'</li>
<li>Picnics on the beach aren't worth the effort. </li>
<li>Sweat. Swim. Eat. Repeat.</li>
<li>1 1/2 - weeks the average time the postcard reaches home after you.</li>
<li>The comfyier you are on an inflatable. The more likely you are to be tipped off.</li>
</ul>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-76426254119658670112012-04-17T09:44:00.000-07:002012-04-17T09:44:14.980-07:00The Truth About Weddings<div class="p1"></div><ul><li>Highly choregraphed first dance. So 5 years ago. See YouTube for reference.</li>
<li>Hen / stag overkill. What's the point in spending £500 and travelling half way across the world to do what you can in your local? </li>
<li>Today's favours are tomorrows handbag clutter.</li>
<li>However long you deliberate over the sitting plan, someone is always going to complain. Fact.</li>
<li>Theme-tastic. Village fete, vintage, old fashioned glamour. How about just a wedding?</li>
<li>Bridesmaid dresses. If you wouldn't wear it to a wedding, why enforce it on your best mates ?!</li>
<li>Wedding car rip-off. No one ever says 'oh their wedding car was amazing.' By that time people just want to get to the party.</li>
<li>The more amazing the shoe. The earlier you take them off.</li>
<li>Maid of honour = maid of helping the bride go for a piss.</li>
<li>Befriending an old person. Usually in the toilet. Aunt Hilda is suddenly your new best mate.</li>
<li>People doing reading s= friends who didn't quite make it to bridesmaid or usher.</li>
<li>Top-hats. Sound stylish but look absurd.</li>
<li>The Competitive Bouquet Catcher. Nothing will stand between her and dropping a massive hint to her boyfriend.</li>
<li>Wedding meal is actual called 'Wedding Breakfast'. Very confusing.</li>
<li>The sulky unattractive bridesmaid who resents all the other bridesmaid for looking better than her.</li>
<li>Rain on your wedding day has nothing to do with fertility. Its just shit.</li>
<li>Wearing the same dress? Spend all day making a joke of it. By 9 it's worn very thin, yet you feel obliged to continue.</li>
<li>The Most Amazing (Exhausting) day of your life.</li>
<li>Free bar abuse. Who needs to finish a drink. Just leave it lying around and grab a new one.</li>
<li>Everybody wants to laugh at the 'with my body I honour you' line.</li>
</ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-38107660403471133742012-03-23T09:15:00.002-07:002012-03-24T01:58:52.455-07:00You know you're drunk when you...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>You invite people to 'come in for a wee with you'.</li>
<li>Befriend the toilet assistant all night. Then eventually pay £2 for a scabby old lollipop.</li>
<li>Want to eat only fat and carbs. Chips and cheese. Toast and cheese. Chips on toast with cheese?</li>
<li>Wake-up with a sense of self loathing (You tell yourself its just the hangover paranoia. It tells you 'no, you were a twat last night').</li>
<li>Think ringing someone 12 times makes them more likely to pick up.</li>
<li>Leave your clothes in random place. Hello towel rail. You make a marvellous coat rack.</li>
<li>Fall over. </li>
<li>Don't remember falling over, but the bruises on your body suggest you did.</li>
<li>NEED to listen to Magic on the journey home.</li>
<li>You smoke, even though ordinarily you detest it.</li>
<li>Tell yourself 'honesty is the best policy'. When talking to your boss.</li>
<li>Take up a bit of amateur Parkour. Jumping on stuff, swing round things, climb over stuff. Then wonder why you ache the next day.</li>
<li>Jaegers make sense.</li>
<li>Appreciate the coldness of the bathroom floor.</li>
<li>Have to text with one eye shut.</li>
<li>Confuse getting your bum/tits/mangina out with an impressive party trick.</li>
<li>Decide walking barefoot on disease ridden, piss covered pavements is better than wearing shoes.</li>
<li>Find yourself in fits of hysterics in otherwise boring locations, particularly the local shop.</li>
<li>Cleaning your teeth is hard work.</li>
<li>You wake up wearing shoes.</li>
<li>Use random objects as clothes. Straw microphone? No thanks, I'll have this bottle-top monocle instead.</li>
<li>Start dancing like you're on Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.</li>
</ul><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-85124727793177434682012-03-09T03:29:00.000-08:002012-03-09T03:29:51.940-08:00Being 30 Means...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Worrying that a large portion of Topshop is too old for you.</li>
<li>Knowing that even the 'two pints of water' trick won't save you from a hangover.</li>
<li>Big nights are for a reason (birthdays, hen dos) not just because its the weekend.</li>
<li>You own a selection of clothes that are 'practical'.</li>
<li>You were embarrassed for Blur at the Brits.</li>
<li>Your Mum often tells you things twice. 'Not knowing which one of your siblings she told'.</li>
<li>Inbetweeners. Neither techie kids or techniphob parent. Best of both? Worst of both more like.</li>
<li>Your slagbag has been retired.</li>
<li>Being in a book club. Talking about being in a book club. Loving that book club more than practically anything else.</li>
<li>Boys start drinking ale. They talk like experts. We know they just like the funny names.</li>
<li>Weddings. Once a novelty now a norm. </li>
<li>Caring about 'how good your socks are'.</li>
<li>Average spend on a bottle of wine has snuck up to £10.</li>
<li>Seeing fashion come back round: Hello 90's Grunge.</li>
<li>You have a joint account. But only because it doesn't feel so bad when you spend money on it.</li>
<li>Barely being able to handle caffeine, let alone any other stimulant.</li>
<li>The Great Salary Divide. Suddenly working for a-levels/ going to a decent uni/ getting a proper job is paying off. For some people.</li>
<li>Refer to students as 'looking young' (many of them were born in the 90's!).</li>
<li>Triathlons. An Early indicator of the onset of a Midlife Crisis.</li>
</ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-37764448190407338662012-02-08T02:50:00.000-08:002012-02-08T03:55:53.343-08:00Amusing Skiing Behaviour<ul><li>30% of your time must be getting dressed and undressed.</li>
<li>Never film yourself skiing/boarding, you'll only be disappointed.</li>
<li>Taking off ski boots = better than taking a poo?</li>
<li>Novelty hat wearers: chickens, dreads, helmets with ears. Embarrassing not funny.</li>
<li>Phantom Farter. There's one in ever telecabin.</li>
<li>'Idiots'. The collective noun for snowboarders who sit in packs across the piste.</li>
<li>'The Great Layer Debate'. Constantly in search of that elusive 'perfect temperature'.</li>
<li>Polling. Makes everyone feel like an obese penguin.</li>
<li>Skiing in jeans = twat.</li>
<li>Obligatory snowball fights. Fun in principle. Cold in reality.</li>
<li>Meals must consist entirely of: ham, cheese, bread, cheese, potatoes, cheese, more cheese.</li>
<li>Your biggest wipe outs must only happen immediately under busy chairlifts.</li>
<li>Vin Chau or Chocolat Rum? An impossibly difficult decision.</li>
<li>Chalet living. The lottery of 'swinging', without the sex.</li>
<li>Chatty ski-school kids. You don't know what they are saying.They don't care.</li>
<li>The Ancient Art of Lighting a Fag on a Chairlift. Gone but not forgotten.</li>
<li>However much you ski / how cold it is you will never burn off the calories you consume.</li>
</ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-82268128104971734932012-01-19T05:01:00.000-08:002012-01-19T06:39:23.100-08:00The Problem with January<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Detox Pushers - why would I try to give up everything I love in the most depressing month of the year?</li>
<li>Finding the motivation to exercise is hard enough. Having to do it in the dark is brutal.</li>
<li>You look as sallow as an old white towel.</li>
<li>It's followed by February.</li>
<li>Feels as if you are half way through winter. In reality it's only just begun.</li>
<li>Sherlock has finished.</li>
<li>The house is cluttered with gifts you didn't want.</li>
<li>All the fun (not doing any work) in December comes back to bite you.</li>
<li>Even eating has lost its appeal.</li>
<li>Pay day is a mirage that never seems to get any closer.</li>
<li>You are at the furthest point from a summer holiday.</li>
<li>Having more homemade chutney in your fridge than actual food.</li>
<li>People insist on saying 'happy new year', long after the happiness and newness have gone out of it.</li>
<li>Already tired of hearing how 'we are going to leverage the jubilee/Olympics/euros'. Us and everybody else.</li>
<li>You don't even get the pleasure of writing a date with a new year anymore.</li>
<li>Eating left-over mince pies/chocolate/Christmas cake out of obligation rather than desire.</li>
<li>No retail therapy.</li>
</ul><div><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-42531995375956617102011-12-22T03:17:00.000-08:002011-12-22T03:19:15.600-08:00Cliches of the Office Party<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The Affair - spend all year keeping it quiet, only to grope each other shamelessly in front of everyone.</li>
<li>Food. Always too little too late.</li>
<li>'Justin'. The geek who turns out to be an epic dancer.</li>
<li>'Gary'. The fit guy who turns out to be a terrible dancer.</li>
<li>Singalong - heartfelt at the time, excruciating next time you are in a meeting together.</li>
<li>Sexy santa/gangster/cowgirl. Dressing like you belong in an Anne Summers catalogue will not enhance your career.</li>
<li>Token faller. No party is complete without someone stacking it on the dance-floor.</li>
<li>The crier. Thankfully she won't remember what she was blubbing about or the fact she walked around with mascara down her face for the rest of the night.</li>
<li>10.01. The exact time when the art of conversation becomes the art of 'talking at you'.</li>
<li>NBOF (new best office friend). The friend equivalent of a pull.</li>
<li>Thinking everyone's gone home. Only to find them huddled like tramps in a door-way smoking.</li>
<li>Growing Old Disgracefully. People in their 40's acting like they're in their 20's.</li>
<li>Next day roller coaster. The better the banter in the morning, the worse the paranoia in the afternoon.</li>
</ul><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-52838533934514722742011-12-09T09:27:00.000-08:002011-12-09T09:27:49.074-08:00Achievable New Years Resolutions<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Iron only shirts. And only when they are REALLY creased.</li>
<li>Limit charity work to sponsoring people for sports events.</li>
<li>Limit waxes to before holidays.</li>
<li>Never lose that half a stone.</li>
<li>Exercise at least one day less a week than you want.</li>
<li>Get sucked into more social media.</li>
<li>Cut your hair 4 weeks after you realise you need it cut.</li>
<li>Invest heavily in fashion items. Leave those 'classic items' to someone else.</li>
<li>Buy the new iphone because of its 'new technologies', but never use any of them.</li>
<li>Imagine you might have some allergy, but avoid actual diagnosis.</li>
<li>Never stop at one biscuit. Unless that is all you offered.</li>
<li>Settle for seeing each others lives on facebook rather than actually meeting up.</li>
<li>Save money for the first half of each month. Then resort to spending it the second half.</li>
<li>Pretend that smoking 'only when you're drunk' counts as 'giving-up'.</li>
<li>Limit 'starting your business' to watching dragon's den.</li>
<li>Get 1 hours less sleep a night than you'd like.</li>
<li>Try and fail to find the line between to sober and too drunk.</li>
<li>Always steal a chip. Even though the person eating them wishes you wouldn't.</li>
</ul></div><div><br />
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</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-8965046366352810212011-11-28T08:21:00.000-08:002011-11-28T08:21:38.676-08:00Worst Bits About Xfactor<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Daft 'hello' gestures. Who in real life puts their arm up or salutes. A wave is fine.</li>
<li>Female judges wearing heels so high they have to cling to one another to get down the stairs.</li>
<li>Swirly camera work. Television equivalent of the waltzers.</li>
<li>The expression 'nailed it'.</li>
<li>Kitty.</li>
<li>Judges standing up after their acts perform. Sit down.</li>
<li>Not being able to decide whether Caroline Flack is fit or not.</li>
<li>Smugness of previous contestants who come back to perform a year later. Like going into school after you've left.</li>
<li>Leaving with the guilt of knowing I was once mean about Jessie, Poor girl.</li>
<li>The 'back-story'. Just get up there and sing...</li>
<li>The quality of Louis Walsh's dye job.</li>
<li>Louis' loves of boy band.</li>
<li>When anyone uses that bit of stage that goes round behind the judge. AWKWARD.</li>
<li>Sinita.</li>
<li>Kelly says 'Momma' or 'putting it down'.</li>
<li>Kelly's moving beauty-spot.</li>
<li>Telling contestant 'you're already a star'. No your not, come march no one will know who you are.</li>
<li>Gary's lack of sense of humour.</li>
<li>Feeling dirty for liking One Direction.</li>
<li>Amelie Lilies half-closed eyes. Remove the falsies.</li>
<li>Thanks for opportunity. How about taking the opportunity to say something original?</li>
<li>Realising you'd be in the 'over 25's. The Raggy Dolls of Music.</li>
<li>80% of the styling.</li>
<li>Devlin's heart of stone.</li>
</ul><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-65072799800421224952011-11-17T02:52:00.000-08:002011-11-17T02:52:11.639-08:00Best Things about Winter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Being able to see your breath.</li>
<li>Rebel shaving. Only doing your armpits every other day.</li>
<li>Satsumas. Impossible to eat only one.</li>
<li>Mince pies.</li>
<li>Being able to look forward to summer.</li>
<li>Carbs.</li>
<li>Mulled Wine. </li>
<li>Christmas jumpers. The worse the better.</li>
<li>Slagging off Christmas ads.</li>
<li>New coat and boots. The adult equivalent of new school uniform/ pencils.</li>
<li>Hoping you'll get snowed in..</li>
<li>Talking about being snowed-in once you've been snowed in.</li>
<li>More carbs.</li>
<li>Stockings. THE. BEST. BIT. ABOUT. CHRISTMAS.</li>
<li>Log fires. A legitimate and romantic excuse for laziness.</li>
<li>Brandy Butter. Alcohol + Sugar + Butter = Winner.</li>
<li>The smell of roast chestnuts from street vendors. Not that you'd ever dream of buying them.</li>
<li>Building a snowman. Hoping you don't roll dog pooh up in it.</li>
<li>Holidays are coming, holidays are coming...</li>
<li>Singing (or yelling) Christmas carols.</li>
<li>Christmas shopping. Gets a bad name</li>
<li>Advent Calendars. Chocolate before work? why not.</li>
<li>Laughing at the person still wearing their paper hat long after every one else has given up.</li>
<li>The blind optimism of new years resolutions.</li>
<li>Christmas Eve. Kicks New Years Eve's arse.</li>
<li>Epic turkey sandwiches.</li>
</ul><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-54650645276090835002011-10-29T11:15:00.000-07:002011-10-29T11:26:49.072-07:00Reasons I Envy Old People<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>They get to eat as much cake as they like.</li>
<li>They <i>always</i> know better. </li>
<li>Incredibly cosy and sleep inducing homes.</li>
<li>Never have fiver? They've got 'em all</li>
<li>No fear of death. You know Joyce down the road? she died last week. As natural as if Joyce had nipped to the supermarket rather than the afterlife.</li>
<li>Political Correctness. A new fangled concept to be ignored.</li>
<li>Going to the hairdressers just to get their 'hair set'. The original WAGS.</li>
<li>No more struggling to get up. OAP's are always up by 6.</li>
<li>Elasticated waistbands.</li>
<li>Stanna Stairlifts. Everyone secretly wants a go.</li>
<li>Free travel.</li>
<li>Who needs karaoke when you can have an impromptu sing-a-long whenever you like?</li>
<li>You sit in the comfiest chair while everyone else clears up.</li>
<li>They survived a war. Enough said.</li>
<li>'Having your own look'. If you want to wear a shirt and tie everyday, you can.</li>
<li>Elastic waist bands.</li>
<li>Walking sticks. A weapon cunningly disguised as a walking aid</li>
<li>Being Beyond the Law. The street you not suppose to go down? The 'Do Not Touch Sign? Doesn't apply to you.</li>
<li>That special small bread.</li>
<li>Someone boring you? feign deafness.</li>
<li>Everyone boring you? just doze off.</li>
<li>Blue hair dye. Scowled at on teenagers, swept under the cupboard with old people.</li>
</ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-921447999212992522011-10-21T07:05:00.000-07:002011-10-21T07:15:39.828-07:00Better in theory than Practise<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Wearing killer heels to important events.</li>
<li>Ice-cream sodas.</li>
<li>3rd glass of wine at lunch.</li>
<li>Rearranging your bookshelf or wardrobe. There is always a point half way through when you feel hot, cross and wish you hadn't done it.</li>
<li>Travelling a rush hour with large objects.</li>
<li>Shaving your arms. Every teenage girl has tried it.</li>
<li>Whit nail varnish.</li>
<li>Pulling an all nighter for anything.</li>
<li>Cutting your dolls hair. It never grows back.</li>
<li>Trying to read Shantaram.</li>
<li>Playing Trivail Pursuit stoned.</li>
<li>Asking 'can i do anything to help' just to be polite. Half an hour later you are still peeling potatoes.</li>
<li>Oxford street on a saturday. You think 'it won't be that bad'. So does everybody else.</li>
<li>Spending more than 4 days with your family.</li>
<li>Trying a new recipe at a dinner party.</li>
<li>Camping.</li>
<li>Food in meetings.</li>
<li>Not getting dressed all day. By 4 o'clock you feel rotten.</li>
<li>Sambucca.</li>
<li>Pulling a sicky. The guilt means you don't actually enjoy the day.</li>
</ul><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-88672770940265821162011-10-12T05:49:00.000-07:002011-10-12T07:38:55.045-07:00Amusing Office Behaviour<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Over keen all-staffer emails - save your banter for the changing rooms boys.</li>
<li>Female pooh missions - elaborate plans to avoid people knowing you shit. Including flushing, padding out with toilet roll, going to toilets outside of the office.</li>
<li>'Saming' - those weird days when half the office come in wearing the same thing. </li>
<li>Do you mind if I 'access your screen remotely?' say IT. Yes I do. Because it feels as if you're going through my underwear drawer.</li>
<li>Stationery hoarding - it's impossible not to take a couple of extra bits. Especially highlighters.</li>
<li>The size of your notepad is relative to the size of you salary. Grads have A4 black & reds. MD's have pocket-size moleskines. CEO have PA's.</li>
<li>The Leaving Gift Collection. Leaves you feeling resentful and guilty in equal measures. Much like church collections.</li>
<li>Playing dumb to IT. Everyone does it, so it won't get you anywhere.</li>
<li>Food in meetings. Good in theory. A mine-field in practise.</li>
<li>The mysterious world of HR. Who are they and what do they do?</li>
<li>We've all got a family. Doesn't mean i feel the need to plaster their ugly mugs round my desk.</li>
<li>Tea laws says you must offer to make everyone a brew, even when you really don't want to.</li>
<li>Where do all the stolen chargers go? to the same place as socks, hairbands and lighters?</li>
<li>The are two types of people: those who put new paper in the printer and those who don't.</li>
<li>Awkward kitchen chat. </li>
<li>Awkward kitchen chat avoidance.</li>
<li>Competitive staying late. One game nobody can win at.</li>
<li>Accidental Bladder Buddies. When you, unfortunately, fall into the same toilet routine as somebody else.</li>
<li>Novelty pens. Vaguely amusing at school, tragic at work.</li>
</ul><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-38315531370157544262011-10-04T04:15:00.000-07:002011-10-04T04:16:25.409-07:00Ibiza wouldn't have been Ibiza without...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Egg dogs</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Fanta Limon.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Painting nails. </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Rat in a dress.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Uncle Paul - the fountain of knowledge.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Lucy's Big Old (Young) Tits.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Regretamin.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">'Saming'.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Nick & Akin spending 3X as much as everyone else on every night out.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Mitch & The Party Bus.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Polly's injuries. (twisted ankle from Brahms, infected bited from me).</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The freakiest Postman Pat and Lady Di ever.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Nick & Laura's wedding.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">DICKO AND OLLYS ENGAGEMENT (this deserves caps).</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The Cottage - from lovely retreat, to crime scene, to rancid hellhole.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">More Fanta-Limon.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The joy of the kettle arriving.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Tom-the-Fixer / Stalker.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Pool fun - weird flicky hair and some group diving.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Submarine (the slowest Book Group have ever read a book?).</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The head toucher at Bora Bora.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The boobs at Blue Marlin</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Sam's dodgy playlist.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The Healing Rocks. No healing in sight. Have a jelly fish sting instead.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Even more Fanta-Limon.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Nick skipping endlessly.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Never ending tuna-pasta.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">30c beers.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Collecting 12 wrists bands on a night out. Pretty exclusive eh?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Thinking 15 euro is a reasonable price for a drink.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Eating your body weight in crisps.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The leaky fridge.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Realising Cafe del Mar is a massive let down and San Antonio is a hell hole.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">An endless search for pool lights.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Day beds. Why utilise the space, when you can huddle together in the safety of two beds?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Hoping that teliing cabbies 'casa azul' is enough to get you home.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Rowan and Laura being organizing legends.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">22 bloody amazing people in one super duper villa.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Oh and some more Fanta- Limon.</span></li>
</ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-8878038971927979852011-09-23T02:50:00.000-07:002011-09-23T07:17:17.144-07:00Amusing Airport Behaviour<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>The older you get the early you arrive at the airport</li>
<li>Happy chappy check-in banter - Must be insanely annoying for the staff. You are going on holiday. They aren't.</li>
<li>Free money. Money you spend at the airport doesn't count.</li>
<li>Speedy -boarding smuggery. You paid to get on the plane first. We chose not to. Don't act as if it's some amazing privilege bestowed upon you.</li>
<li>Passport/ boarding pass uncertainty. Never knowing what you need when. Cling onto both just in-case.</li>
<li>'Buy the telegraph, get a free bottle of water'. Always do the deal. Never read the paper = a pointless marketing exercise.</li>
<li>Queuing to get on the plane. Why wouldn't you want to sit on their for any longer than you have too?</li>
<li>In flight shopping magazine. Never buy anything, yet you still study it in detail.</li>
<li>Weight restriction. What a joke. It should be based on the combined weight of you + your bag. </li>
<li>Velour tracksuit 'travelling outfit'. Pure chav.</li>
<li>Full makeup and heels won't get you an upgrade. If you were actually rich & glamorous you'd have paid to fly business.</li>
<li>The air-steward stare. Next time they are serving food or drinks watch how everyone within 3 rows stares obsessively. Willing them to serve them.</li>
<li>Crouching in the aisle/ perching on the arm of your seat won't get you off the plane any quicker.</li>
<li>No one ever waits until they are well inside the airport terminal to turn their phone on.</li>
<li>Must get rid of currency. Sales of toblerone must have dropped since the euro.</li>
<li>You are desperate for 'NOW BOARDING' to appear. Then panic when it does.</li>
<li>Head to head. The silent race you have with other passengers walking to the plane / passport control.</li>
<li>Shrinking In flight snacks. Soon there will be a lone cheese savoury in a plastic packet.</li>
<li>Baggage Carousel Time Warp. Every minute feels like ten.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-42700768728929086372011-09-09T04:00:00.000-07:002011-09-09T04:00:58.621-07:00Things Over 50's shouldn't wear<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Too much fake tan.</li>
<li>Ankle/toe jewellery.</li>
<li>Flipflops with a smart jacket. Unless you can be described as 'very good looking', this should be avoided at any age.</li>
<li>Uggs.</li>
<li>Bright red hair.</li>
<li>Statement nail varnish. Especially black.</li>
<li>Slogan t-shirts.</li>
<li>Clothes borrowed from their children. Just because you <i>can </i>doesn't mean you<i> should.</i></li>
<li>Sequins. Gaudy not glam.</li>
<li>Heavily manicured facial hair.</li>
<li>Wedges which do up round your ankle. As uncomfortable to look at, as they are to wear.</li>
<li>Baseball caps. Except when partaking in sport.</li>
<li>Outfits that could be described as cute.</li>
<li>False eyelashes.</li>
<li>Patent Leather (see sequins).</li>
<li>Push-up bras.</li>
<li>Anything influenced by skate, surf or snowboard fashion.</li>
<li>On-trend sunglasses.</li>
<li>Handsfree kits when not behind the wheel of a car.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
<br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-38782131568574803432011-08-23T02:49:00.000-07:002011-08-23T02:49:30.381-07:00Life Lessons<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>High necklines + big boobs = no go.</li>
<li>When men are with men all they are thinking about is being there with other men.</li>
<li>Nothing good happens after 2 am.</li>
<li>Eating chicken and eggs together is wrong.</li>
<li>Fish 'n Chips. Better in principle that reality.</li>
<li>Every pair of sunglassses eventually gets lost.</li>
<li>Cats sense hatred.</li>
<li>You can never own too many condiments.</li>
<li>Nights you look forward to always disappoint. Nights you dread often come up trumps.</li>
<li>Change is as good as the rest.</li>
<li>If you haven't read Harry Potter now you, you are never going to.</li>
<li>Better to be a mug than be tight.</li>
<li>The hottest people at school become the most jaded/fattest adults. Early success with the opposite sex is there undoing.</li>
<li>Simple pleasures can't be beat. Eating. Sleeping. Cleaning teeth. Having a shower. Going for a Pooh.</li>
<li>That third glass of wine always comes back to bite you.</li>
<li>Don't wear tights when going clothes shopping.</li>
<li>Always carry a brolly in England. Even a beautiful day can end up torrential.</li>
<li>Red heads should never dye their hair black.</li>
<li>Do not persist with a fluffy apples.</li>
</ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-12045527415925098212011-08-04T03:49:00.000-07:002011-08-04T03:54:05.550-07:00Things that are harder than they should be:<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><br />
</div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Front crawl.</li>
<li>Writing a good message in leaving cards.</li>
<li>Fixing a jammed printer.</li>
<li>Lying a towel out on the beach.</li>
<li>Packing away a towel on a beach with out getting sand in your eyes.</li>
<li>Arranging flowers. If in-doubt tell yourself you were going for the rustic look.</li>
<li>Painting your toe-nails.</li>
<li>Knowing where to put a wet umbrella.</li>
<li>Looking sporty not butch in sports gear.</li>
<li>Getting dressed in a tent.</li>
<li>Making good scrambled egg.</li>
<li>Killer sudoku.</li>
<li>Blow drying your hair.</li>
<li>Folding the Sunday papers when you've finished with them.</li>
<li>Baking. If in doubt stick with rise-crispy cakes.</li>
<li>Making towels hang nicely on a rail.</li>
<li>Knowing what the correct portion of cereal is.</li>
<li>Applying liquid eye liner. You inevitably end up looking like Amy (RIP), but not in a good way.</li>
<li>Going for a wee in the sea. </li>
<li>Using those card readers for online banking</li>
<li>Putting pepper corns in a mill.</li>
<li>Spelling availability.</li>
<li>Thinking of new lists. Any ideas welcome.</li>
</ul><div><br />
</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-43466423573904600652011-07-21T02:58:00.000-07:002011-07-21T02:58:27.505-07:00Amusing Supermarket Behaviour<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The scabby aisle inspection. Distrust that they actually might be selling you something horrific.</li>
<li>Eggs are never being where you expect them to be.</li>
<li>Romantics. Standing arm in arm looking at pasta sauces. Oh how things change...</li>
<li>Repetitive deals. You've offered me 2 for 1 on Cheddar, prawns & Pizza Express pizza for the last year. It doesn't excite me.</li>
<li>'Basing' - planting your trolley somewhere and using it as a base-point to grab items in the surrounding area.</li>
<li>Trolley Confusion Guilt (often occurs when basing) - the awful embarrassment/shame you feel on thinking someone else's trolley is your own. </li>
<li>Give Away Item - the one key piece, often nappies, which saves you from actually putting your stuff in their trolley.</li>
<li>Self check-out abuse. It's impossible to complete a transaction without it shouting at you about items in the bagging area.</li>
<li>Treats. Every big shop deserves a treat.</li>
<li>Supersizers - people who get massive everything, you picture 10 screaming kids at home</li>
<li>Too much for a basket. Too little for a trolley. Middle sized shops are a a no-mans-land.</li>
<li>Forgotten item dash. Requires one person to be the dashers, while their partner 'stalls at the till'.</li>
<li>Loyalty Card shame - Have you get a loyalty card? no sorry I forgot it. No need to be sorry.</li>
<li>Token drunk - Two cans of special brew. One reduced-price pastie from the scabby aisle. Zero shame.</li>
<li>Disbelief at an item not being there. 'There's no rocket!' you exclaim, as if saying it makes it true.</li>
<li>Purchase pride. You're so chuffed with the delicious thing you've got for tea that you pick it up and admire it at the check-out.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-62843699645653326052011-07-15T08:15:00.000-07:002011-07-15T08:15:11.323-07:00Wasted hours of my life<ul><li>Facebook.</li>
<li>Nicholas Cage films.</li>
<li>Writing ads for various clients who only want to make the rubbish ideas they've come with themselves.</li>
<li>Ayers rock.</li>
<li>Travelling to Ayers rock.</li>
<li>Explaining to my husband a million times about clothes in the wash basket. </li>
<li>Waiting at the wrong luggage carousel at terminal flight.</li>
<li>Baking spotted-dick for my brownie pack. only to ruin it by putting a tbls rather than a tsp of salt in.</li>
<li>2 years of German lessons.</li>
<li>Looking at weather websites on day 4 of 9 days of rain on my honeymoon.</li>
<li>A digital presentation that showed 'cutting edge work' that was 2 years out of date.</li>
<li>Buying, wearing & organising outfits round high heels that get taken off midway through the night.</li>
<li>Enduring a failed root canal.</li>
<li>Attempting to teach Derek my dachshund anything.</li>
<li>That Boyzone concert.</li>
<li>Myspace.</li>
<li>Listening to a friends/family saying 'This time they are giving up smoking FOREVER.'</li>
<li>Doing sit ups. My stomach refuse to show any definition.</li>
<li>Trying to cartwheels/handstands. I'm not made for it.</li>
<li>Making a beautiful cheesecake that ended on the floor en route to the lunch.</li>
<li>Tidying my wardrobe. It returns to being higgledy piggledy within a week. </li>
</ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-3507874306334031322011-07-07T02:10:00.000-07:002011-07-07T02:10:42.675-07:00Regrets (I've had a few).<ul><li>Not taking GCSE art.</li>
<li>Missing meeting Princess Di.</li>
<li>That voicemail.</li>
<li>Not paragliding on a family holiday to Turkey.</li>
<li>Having pink highlights on my 18th birthday.</li>
<li>Throwing tons of clothes away momments before they come back in fashion.</li>
<li>Eating dog food thinking it was chocolate.</li>
<li>Going to Tahiti on my gap year. Not backpacker-budget friendly.</li>
<li>Not eating more of the steak frites on my wedding day.</li>
<li>Not keeping a video of my star appearance on the Really Wild Show.</li>
<li>Buying a minidisc player.</li>
<li>Not sleeping with more people.</li>
<li>Overstraighting my hair a uni. </li>
<li>Thinking Spice Girls inspired boots look good.</li>
<li>Actually, most of my outfits in the 90's.</li>
<li>Having that spliff on my 17th birthday.</li>
<li>Frowning too much. </li>
<li>Not speaking to Robbie Williams when I saw him in the street.</li>
<li>Losing one Nike hightop somewhere between philidelphia and washington.</li>
<li>Not having told an ex-boss what I thought of him.</li>
<li>Telling my sister she had had a brain transplant with an old person.</li>
<li>Wasting an hour of my life at a Boyzone concert. I never even liked Boyzone.</li>
<li>Black Sunday.</li>
<li>Starting smoking. Not true. I bloody loved it.</li>
<li>Not enjoying the 'hangover free years' more.</li>
<li>Never getting into Shameless.</li>
<li>That I didn't work in advertising in 60's or 80's.</li>
<li>Some things that can not be printed.</li>
</ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-67141728265078650722011-07-01T06:32:00.000-07:002011-07-01T14:14:37.712-07:00(some of the) Worst Songs Ever<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Katrina and The Waves - Walking on Sunshine.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Sheryl Crow - the one about the parking lot.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Joss Stone</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">I'm Blue.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Macy grey</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Livin' La Vida Loca - even read/writing it makes Ricky Martins annoying hips/voice come to mind.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">I'm a believer</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Winner Takes it All - Abba.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Anything by Meatloaf apart love on a dashboard light.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">"I'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning".</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Chumbawamba.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Shania Twain 'That Don't Impress me Much'. Neither does this song love.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Manic Street Preachers</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Love Generation - Bob Sinclair. A 'Shit Compilation Album' favourite</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Lifted by Lighthouse Family</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Theme tune to Sharky and George.</span></li>
</ul><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-68845384710858625152011-06-27T02:42:00.000-07:002011-06-27T02:42:23.354-07:00Downsides of nice weather<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The tube being like a sauna.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Having to go to work.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Not owning a swimming pool.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Having to look at peoples feet, including your own.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Men thinking it's acceptable to drive topless.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">People using those annoying mini electronic fans.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Not being able to wear grey.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Not knowing whether haviannas are acceptable work wear or not.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">People wearing strapless dress with ill supporting bras.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">People wearing strapless dress with bras with clear straps.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Realising you are too old to go in a paddling pool.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Too hot in the car. Too tight to use air con.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Desire to drink beer all the time.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Ditto ice-cream. Thank god for minimilks.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Post-shower sweats.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Po</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">st-commute sweats.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Post being-far-too-hot-and-not-being-able-to-sleep-at-night-sweats.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Realising the ambitious bikini body' plans have failed.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Having to be near other people.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Feeling guilty about sitting inside watching TV.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">B.O.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">You just get acclimatised to all the above when its starts to rain....</span></li>
</ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-40563300808249368712011-06-22T02:07:00.000-07:002011-06-23T05:06:46.375-07:00Reasons I wouldn't mind being a man<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">The ability to piss anywhere.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Getting to use tools like sledgehammers.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">No pressure to buy presents or remember birthdays.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">The option to have a go a mate for being a dick, knowing it won't escalate.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Carving. All the glory of the roast with none of the handwork.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Wardrobe. Nice shirts, nice trousers, nice tshirts. So easy.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">No pmt. Mental hormones = excessive tears and eating? Not good.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">20 quid hair cuts.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Choice of summer jobs. Cutting the lawn, 'bit of labouring': someones always got something you can do.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Receiving BJ's rather than giving them.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Facial hair. Seems fun.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Cooler sports wear. I like pink, doesn't mean I want it on all my gym kit.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Size. No man ever fretted about whether they'll be able to squeeze into their 32 inch jeans.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Toilet humor.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Good bye conversation. Hello drinking games.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Low maintenance. All you need for a weekend away is pants and a toothbrush and even they are optional.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Lack of lists - no burdening sense of 'things I must do'.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Betting. Nothing's too minor to deserve a bet.</span></li>
</ul><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1778187574333908908.post-15519057445599255202011-06-14T05:19:00.000-07:002011-06-14T14:09:30.525-07:00Stuff that makes my skin crawl<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Anything furry: velvet, v</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">elour, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">suede</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Cats doing that pulsey-clawery thing.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Biting into a wooden lolly sticks. Sometimes this catches you by surprise.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Touching inside my belly button- weirds me out.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Seaweed in the sea.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Peach skin.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Old dish cloths that smell of damp.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"> </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Chalk on a blackboard.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Trying to think about the fact that the universe goes on forever.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Drinking Styrofoam mugs.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Dust on a duster. The dust seems to get lodged in the creases of your hand.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Toilet brushes. A necessary evil, but the whole concept grosses me out.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"> </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The hand of the boy in my class who had warts.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"> </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Cows tongues. As rough as sandpaper</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Rotten flower stalks that stink of raw shit. Gladioli are the worst offenders.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The smell of Butchers. Too periody.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Having an itch on the roof of my mouth.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">The thought of paper cuts between your fingers.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Those troughs of water you're suppose to wash your feet in before going in a public pool.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"> </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Doing that stretch that involves bending your wrist right back.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Hamsters, gerbils, mice. To sketchy.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">Taramasalata.</span></li>
</ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0