The Truth about Holidays

• Competitive sun-creaming. Use to be lower the better, now its go 30 plus or go home.
• 4 oclock crisps and beer. A necessity to 'make it' from lunch to dinner.
• We swear we will never become our mums but suddenly 'getting our hair we't in the pool is a fate worse than death.
• Doing nothing is exhausting.
• Foreign supermarkets are way better than home ones.
• But Foreign ketchup is never as good.
• Flight + change of routine = 'holiday constipation.'
• Day 3 cue the 'I could live here' conversation.
• You can only really tell how tanned/burned you are once you've got out the shower. Fact.
• The better the holiday the harder it is to get over.
• The piss-dip. We all know you've only gone in the sea to have a wee.
• Holiday hats. Idiotic. But impossible to resist.
• All inclusive holidays = a challenge.
• Everyone steala all the hotel toiletries. Don't they?!
• Epic bat and ball rallies. Not only do you feel like a hero. But you also deserve a beer.
• Sarongs. Never as glamourous in reality as they feel in your head.
• Saying hello/please/thank you/two beers does not constitute speaking the language.
• You must unpack before you go for a swim. Dems da rules.
• Flipflops need breaking up.
• Holiday food doesn't taste the same when you buy/make it at home: nutella & icetea are case in point.
• Tankini = pointless. Just a swimming cozzie split in two.
• We all need someone else's help to decide whether 'you'll need a cardie in the evening.'
• Picnics on the beach aren't worth the effort. 
• Sweat. Swim. Eat. Repeat.
• 1 1/2 -  weeks the average time the postcard reaches home after you.
• The comfyier you are on an inflatable. The more likely you are to be tipped off.