Amusing Airport Behaviour

• The older you get the early you arrive at the airport
• Happy chappy check-in banter - Must be insanely annoying for the staff. You are going on holiday. They aren't.
• Free money. Money you spend at the airport doesn't count.
• Speedy -boarding smuggery. You paid to get on the plane first. We chose not to. Don't act as if it's some amazing privilege bestowed upon you.
• Passport/ boarding pass uncertainty. Never knowing what you need when. Cling onto both just in-case.
• 'Buy the telegraph, get a free bottle of water'. Always do the deal. Never read the paper = a pointless marketing exercise.
• Queuing to get on the plane. Why wouldn't you want to sit on their for any longer than you have too?
• In flight shopping magazine. Never buy anything, yet you still study it in detail.
• Weight restriction. What a joke. It should be based on the combined weight of you + your bag. 
• Velour tracksuit 'travelling outfit'. Pure chav.
• Full makeup and heels won't get you an upgrade. If you were actually rich & glamorous you'd have paid to fly business.
• The air-steward stare. Next time they are serving food or drinks watch how everyone within 3 rows stares obsessively. Willing them to serve them.
• Crouching in the aisle/ perching on the arm of your seat won't get you off the plane any quicker.
• No one ever waits until they are well inside the airport terminal to turn their phone on.
• Must get rid of currency. Sales of toblerone must have dropped since the euro.
• You are desperate for 'NOW BOARDING' to appear. Then panic when it does.
• Head to head. The silent race you have with other passengers walking to the plane / passport control.
• Shrinking In flight snacks. Soon there will be a lone cheese savoury in a plastic packet.
• Baggage Carousel Time Warp. Every minute feels like ten.