Evil desires I have to suppress

• Bite babies feet. 
• Kick small dogs like rugby balls.
• Crush all sandcastles.
• Fart in quiet place.
• Shout swear words in church.
• Scribble on any kind of timing plan.
• Fart in lifts and/or tubes before exiting.
• Stamp on the toes of anyone wearing new, white trainers.
• Give people the wrong directions on purpose.
• Steal chocolates out of advent calendars, then reseal them.
• Spit on people from the top of stairs or out of windows.
• Pull excessively long hair. Older than 10? Hair beyond your elbows is unacceptable.
• Make my granny's 'speaking computer for the blind' say sex words. 
• Hide meat in vegetarian meals.